New Times

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I lost my mind here after some time. I was always pretty clear. Nothing really affected me in such a way till she placed me here. I don’t need to consider her or what happened just yet, but this is kind of when it started. I don’t think I can trust people anymore is the most frightening detail of the events that occured. Beyond that I question things now, and my whole thought pattern has been altered. 

I’m not the same person I was my whole life which frightens me. I’ve changed, and the people around me, I no longer trust in the way I once did. I have a scary circle of people I know now, and I feel like I’m not a part of the world that I grew up in. A decent place it was, but truly to be honest rather pathetic, and simplistic. Meaning that life was boring. I hated it mostly. I never really cared for anything aside from a few pleasures that I found time for. I always looked at society in a way that said to me that there were so many people un-happy, sad, scared, lonely, worried, tired, trapped, in need of help, attention, or otherwise lacking something.

In most cases, money. Most people’s problems seemed to revolve around finance and the stress caused from it. However then there was always those who have virtually an unlimited amount of money at their disposal, and personally many of my friends growing up were like that, but they were always a little bit or very ‘off’. Kind of crazy usually. They were usually clinically depressed and prone to drugs or alcohol or toxic relationships. Very co-dependant types. Like, can never be alone, always needs to be around others, in a relationship or such. But that’s kind of all people and not exclusive to rich kids. All people are kind of needy of other people, and can’t really be alone. But that’s why they keep becoming more depressed because they keep getting hurt or let down by others, since their happiness is dependant on others acceptance of them, attention given, or feeling loved. These are natural emotions however true happiness first is found within. If you look terrible, and need someone to lie to you and say you’re beautiful then you’re depressed, and living a lie, and dragging someone into your depressive, sad world which is horrid. Maybe you need to eat less, and get skinny so you can be happy with how you look. If you like how you look it won’t matter if you’re fat, bald, old, have no money, or look crazy looking because you’re happy with your appearance, but none of this matters as you begin to explore your inner thoughts.

Inner thoughts will say, why are you spending your entire life paying the same bills and doing something that nobody in their right mind would choose willingly to do? Meaning nobody wants to clean some fucking toilet their entire life, but it’s better for some than sleeping in the gutter or some forest and dying if it gets too cold outside. Which is why I never really liked society because that looming threat of, do you want to die in public penny-less is a disgraceful way of getting people to do stupid things that they hate doing. Like walking nine dogs and cleaning dog shit all day for some lazy fuck with no time or care to walk their own dog. Nobody on earth would choose to do this if it wasn’t for the fact that you will have the grand opportunity to pay the same stupid bills for each week you walk nine stupid dogs everyday and pick up dog shit for money. Most likely the same as that crazy lady who gets really crazy looking because she keeps having sex with people for money. I doubt anyone on earth ever had a daughter and hoped that she would get crazy looking via having sex with people for money. She is the same as the person doing other people’s laundry every day for money. I doubt when she was young and looking at flowers and playing with birds that she would ever choose later in life to clean strangers shit stained clothes to make sure she can pay her electric bill.

You see, most people shut their minds down once they begin paying bills. As the tasks required are simply show up here at this time and do this or go die in a gutter of starvation. This is why I always kind of hated life because people are so stupid. They can’t decide what created reality, but they decided to pay some fucking bills till the day they die most likely doing something pathetic and worthless, then have kids, and pretend not to hate what they do and force their kids to do the same thing that they despise and force their kids to act happy and get married. Without ever once having the courage to stand up for their inner truth, which is that most likely being a slave to finance has emptied their soul. You see finance is to choose to live underwater.

If I have the most money in the world I can actually make you live underwater. I can literally pay you to live underwater and try and count the ocean of how many drops of rain fall in it each year. But since I’m intelligent I know that most humans won’t want to live underwater and count drops of rain falling in the ocean. This might be why as I get older I hate more and more old people. Because they teach people how to clean toilets, count money, and live in some place that might as well be underwater.

The world is a joke now clearly once you choose intelligence, and you might laugh at people freely for the things they do for money or pity them.

I tend to pity people as their eyes never lie. But reading eyes is like counting rain drops, it doesn’t pay so only someone crazy or wealthy can do it.

When I do, which I now try and avoid they mostly say ‘please kill me’ or ‘help’, which makes me laugh because I always liked when people are suffering. Just certain people though. Some people when they suffer just make me sad. Like when I was young I used to see Mexican guys sleeping in some filthy basement on shelves meant for food like dogs in a cage, and I thought that this world is a disgusting place for that.

The truth is that people are pretty much garbage, and once I can, I’ll make them all live underwater, and I’ll only let good looking girls come out of the ocean.

The rest of them i’ll pay lots of money to stay away from me and count rain forever. If they drown the others can eat them or something. I won’t address it because I couldn’t care less what some idiots who live underwater for money do with eachother’s dead bodies. I don’t wish to see their corpses floating near the surface, so most likely I will pay them extra to eat the dead.

I think the world will start to make sense once the people that do anything for money finally live underwater. I’ll drain Oil Tanks and light the surface on fire to scare them sometimes, and force them to stop coming up for air till they develop gills or die from inhaling water.

As I begin to unlock reality I will share my findings with the Mermaids who left the sea, and since they have no use for money they might have their own ideas which might help us discover what life is beyond survival and eating food made by some idiot paid to put butter on burnt toast.

If any of the idiots try and leave the ocean I’ll simply use sensors to kill them or light them on fire so they can’t ruin my thoughts or upset the Mermaids.

The Mermaids can do as they please as reward for their beauty and I’ll make sure that the burning sounds produced by the dying won’t reach their ears.

I’ll most likely use some type of hydrogen bomb to dissolve the ocean and the idiots who live in it, then take the Mermaids to another Solar System which can’t be reached by morons who counted drops of rain for money.

Then I’ll need to produce some type of Force Field in case any of them re-materialize by accident to keep them away. In case any of them manage to get too close I’ll form pacts with God to have them killed or vaporized. Once God decides to finalize their removal, I’ll return to earth with the Mermaids and they can form wings if they like and begin flying while I make sure to clean up the mess left behind by the dead. Then I’ll learn to fly without the use of wings and see if it makes the Mermaids jealous. If so I’ll teach them how to do so themselves so they won’t need to get upset and they can shed their wings if they like.

The thing I learned is basically there are two levels to society. The nine to five crowd who does exactly what they are told which can include ‘get on your knees’ or ‘kiss the ground from your belly’. This group hasn’t discovered money yet. They are still fully self absorbed, and seek to put others beneath them on their knees and hurt others the way they were hurt. This group is always co-dependant however fully self serving so the typical 90 percent of human race is a hot mess. Then you have the 9 percent, who are money worshipers. They are not selfish, or co-dependant, however they tend to be violently homicidal  because they discovered that to avoid crawling like a dog and getting on your knees you must become in-human and god-like. Which is why only 9 percent of humans worship money and not self which is 90 percent.

Then you have the 1 percent.

The 1 percent are enlightened. And beyond finance, and money. They naturally and funny enough tend to have money but more-so they hold wealth. That which produces money, such as owning land. Not buildings exactly, but the land upon which the buildings exists. Whales exist in each of these groups and have great power amongst men, but then there are gods who oversee things which man can barely comprehend or even consider such as the sun and the sky. The sun and the sky which children love. And the flowers and birds and drops of rain for what they are, which never was meant to have any connection to money. However the Financial 9 percent controls the Crawling 90 percent and the 1 percent has no care for any of them and it will show, as this 1 percent tends to be funny looking if you dare seek them you will see what I mean. The 9 percent too, and also the 90 percent, except that as self absorbed- the 90 percent tends to look the best of them all perhaps.

Then you have The Valley Of Dolls where I lost my mind and found God.

There are others here, but mostly we are alone. The Dolls I found never really have anyone else in their life, even when they’re surrounded by people and seem happy. They are happy, but there’s an empty glare in their eyes. Something missing. It’s simple actually, but none of the Dolls are loved. They did it to themselves though. They made a choice in life and they lost one of life’s most beautiful gifts which is love. These Dolls I began to see, and try to understand, and I did. I see that they had become something which they weren’t; and so fake. Dead. Empty. The Dolls make me sad to think about and this was how I began to lose my mind. You see the Dolls have things which others desire. Looks, wealth, money, possessions of such, but they abandoned love. And without love, mutual love, they became part of the 90 percent, and lost all that they abandoned love for. Meaning that their power is weakness, and Dolls are then viewed as victims once they fall back into the crowd. The weak. Their power slight and fleeting once they full circle and slip past the 1 %.

The one percent are Dolls too and guarded however. This is a form of Love. But there is a word beyond love.

I abandoned love for money. And I was guarded when I was placed in hell. I was protected in hell when they showed me everything. When I was enlightened. I am not one of the Dolls, I .. am … I became something new.

And I now know of Hell and The Dolls.

God never spoke to me. And never looked me in my eye. I gazed upon him and he simply witnessed me and a higher power that appeared as I began to enter the ether death. I removed my coat and tried to breathe. It was so vivid and is as if I’m still there. But then I simply think of the birds I love and they keep me here in life and they are my friends. I love them the most. They are my best friends. I love birds the most. Of them all. They make me happy. The little ones. I like best. They are my best friends. I love birds.

I can hardly trust anything else on this earth. Not God, no sky or sun no ocean nothing beyond the birds and the dolls.

The living ones. I trust. And beyond love there is only trust. But then what is trust if not another form of love? You see, betrayal is of trust and not love. And to give trust and see betrayal you might fall into the Valley and become one of the dolls.

But this is how love can protect you when you explore trust, because what is exclusive to trust and not to love? Is it between people alone? Because how can you trust a bird? Is it that you cannot trust a bird which might allow you to love a bird? Or is trust a form of love?